By now almost everyone has come into contact Steve Harvey’s new “specialty”, relationships. We know the book, we know the points, we know the dialogue. Some love him and his philosophy, others not so much. One of his golden rules that I’ve been thinking about and really dissecting as of lately is the infamous “3 Month Rule”. I’ve discussed this countless times with any female company who happens to be in ear shot. I always get different responses, that vary from person to person. As far as the 3 month rule goes with me I both agree and disagree.
I have a couple of problems with this idea. Waiting 3 months before being intimate with someone discounts vibes and chemistry. It puts constraints on the natural stream of things. What if you’re really feeling someone, the mood is right, juices are flowing, and you pause the moment in the name of the 3 month minimum. You are ignoring how you physically and emotionally feel in order to reach a benchmark. I wanted to prove something and decided to wait a year until I slept with one guy who was umm just deliciously fine. Every time I seen him, I could only think “don’t do it, don’t dot it”. When I finally did, I don’t think the time made a difference. Many women use the rule as protection against men who are just out for sex. I say it protects you from men who can’t wait 3 months. I have passed that period a few times and ended up with the same results. The wait is not going to stop a man from leaving you afterwards, it’s just going to prolong it. On the opposite side, there have been those that I could have done without, who totally didn’t deserve to even get a whiff of my sweet peach. Waiting 3 months maybe would have filtered some of my encounters. There have been instances where I end up with someone, just to find out we have no sexual connection, insert 3MR*.
My dilemma is when I’m not in a relationship and I have “friends with benefits”. The sex is not reliable or consistent. If I’m interested and attracted to someone, they’re likely a potential candidate. I basically meet a guy, we go out, get to know each other, and get down. The getting down usually takes place between 1-2 months after meeting, I never seem to quite make it to the optimal 3. This may be the result of me meeting men when I’m in the middle of a long haul of no sex. After a couple of months/times the schedule gets wacky. The sex romps decrease in frequency, and in some cases, cease all together. This has happened, to me a couple of times. The situation ends up feeling like a waste, like opening a beverage and throwing it out before it’s finished. I don’t want to keep opening Fantas* to just take a sip.
So then I got to thinking, what if Steve is right? What if the sex is inconsistent and eventually falls off because I gave it up too fast, and well now these men are just bored. I understand the concept of making him work for it, but how do you use time lengths to determine if he’s earned it. There have been men who have “worked” more in 2 months than others in a year. What if you’re only interested in having a sexual relationship with a person, should you still wait for 3 months? I’ve been thinking and have decided to try* to try this method out. Since sex before the 3MR hasn’t really been working out for me. I will keep you posted with my progress.
*Fantas-I love me some Fanta Orange Soda, I don’t even drink soda but I will gulf down a Fanta
*3MR-abbreviation for 3 month rule
*try to try-I LOVE sex so, it’s going to be a struggle
Do you abide by the 3MR? How do you determine the time frame leading up to intimacy? Men, do you respect women who have this grace period more than those who do not? Ladies, do you use the 3MR as protection against guys who just want sex? Has anyone flourished in a relationship, who didn’t wait 3 months before sex? Have you waited 3 months and ended up disappointed?