3 Month Ruled: Does It Rule You?

By now almost everyone has come into contact Steve Harvey’s new “specialty”, relationships. We know the book, we know the points, we know the dialogue. Some love him and his philosophy, others not so much. One of his golden rules that I’ve been thinking about and really dissecting as of lately is the infamous “3 Month Rule”. I’ve discussed this countless times with any female company who happens to be in ear shot. I always get different responses, that vary from person to person. As far as the 3 month rule goes with me I both agree and disagree.

 I have a couple of problems with this idea. Waiting 3 months before being intimate with someone discounts vibes and chemistry. It puts constraints on the natural stream of things. What if you’re really feeling someone, the mood is right, juices are flowing, and you pause the moment in the name of the 3 month minimum. You are ignoring how you physically and emotionally feel in order to reach a benchmark. I wanted to prove something and decided to wait a year until I slept with one guy who was umm just deliciously fine. Every time I seen him, I could only think “don’t do it, don’t dot it”. When I finally did, I don’t think the time made a difference. Many women use the rule as protection against men who are just out for sex. I say it protects you from men who can’t wait 3 months. I have passed that period a few times and ended up with the same results. The wait is not going to stop a man from leaving you afterwards, it’s just going to prolong it. On the opposite side, there have been those that I could have done without, who totally didn’t deserve to even get a whiff of my sweet peach. Waiting 3 months maybe would have filtered some of my encounters. There have been instances where I end up with someone, just to find out we have no sexual connection, insert 3MR*.

 My dilemma is when I’m not in a relationship and I have “friends with benefits”. The sex is not reliable or consistent. If I’m interested and attracted to someone, they’re likely a potential candidate. I basically meet a guy, we go out, get to know each other, and get down. The getting down usually takes place between 1-2 months after meeting, I never seem to quite make it to the optimal 3. This may be the result of me meeting men when I’m in the middle of a long haul of no sex. After a couple of months/times the schedule gets wacky. The sex romps decrease in frequency, and in some cases, cease all together. This has happened, to me a couple of times. The situation ends up feeling like a waste, like opening a beverage and throwing it out before it’s finished. I don’t want to keep opening Fantas* to just take a sip.

 So then I got to thinking, what if Steve is right? What if the sex is inconsistent and eventually falls off because I gave it up too fast, and well now these men are just bored. I understand the concept of making him work for it, but how do you use time lengths to determine if he’s earned it. There have been men who have “worked” more in 2 months than others in a year. What if you’re only interested in having a sexual relationship with a person, should you still wait for 3 months? I’ve been thinking and have decided to try* to try this method out. Since sex before the 3MR hasn’t really been working out for me. I will keep you posted with my progress.

 *Fantas-I love me some Fanta Orange Soda, I don’t even drink soda but I will gulf down a Fanta

*3MR-abbreviation for 3 month rule

*try to try-I LOVE sex so, it’s going to be a struggle

 Do you abide by the 3MR?  How do you determine the time frame leading up to intimacy?  Men, do you respect women who have this grace period more than those who do not?  Ladies, do you use the 3MR as protection against guys who just want sex? Has anyone flourished in a relationship, who didn’t wait 3 months before sex?  Have you waited 3 months and ended up disappointed?


4 responses to “3 Month Ruled: Does It Rule You?

  1. I dated one guy, hung out with, talked to….whatever you wanna call it on and off for 3 years. After 3 years, we finally had sex. The sex sucked and we didn’t evolve into any type of wonderful relationship. I just stopped returning his calls. Maybe I was the guy in this scenario? Not sure. Point is, just because you make someone wait a long time, doesn’t mean it will be special.

  2. No one man speaks for all men. Like you said, the 3 months might wean out SOME guys, but that don’t mean it will wean out all the dudes who are just tryna get a little bit.

    I think you do have to go with the flow. The chemistry between you too (and not just sexual). More than just sex (or lack of) can make some people go from spending all their time together to not talking at all.

  3. OHHHH BUDDY, First off I just want to say how much I love this blog and congradualtions on becoming a”.com”. Now, BOOOOO for the 3MR. I usually end up sleeping with someone within a 48 hour period of meeting them if not a week. I think thats just the sexiness of me. But nevertheless, rules on sex can hinder a relationship. The three month rule, I think, only works for a guy that really is looking for the long term. And even then still you can tell if I a guy is wanting to go the full route. I will let out a little secret and females be open minded. My situation right now with money and job hunting can is affecting me to actually go out. So the next best thing is to entertain at my house. I rent a room in a very nice house and I have enough entertainment in my room along with me to forget about a date. Which is why im reduced to “hard dick and bubble gum” There is a little bubble gum cause I cuddle and actually entertain your mind then your body. But just because I sleep with you and its not 3 months later doesn’t mean I have my mind made up. WE ARE ADULTS!!!! Just because you sleep with someone the first day or the last day of 3 months doesn’t change there character. It depends on the maturity of the person. There are guys out there who only want that and you should be able to tell. Except for the clowns who lie and put on fronts. So bottom line why wait, if you want it get it. There should be some anticipation envolved but thats to be spicy. In the meantime rules when working on something can be an issue. Let it flow, keep your eyes open an be safe. Guys don’t get beside yourself and try things you can’t handle. Just cause I said I get it fast doesn’t mean you can. It takes sexiness and pizazz and finess. IM IN DA BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. So glad that someone else is not exactly jumping onto all the rules Steve Harvey declares. I too, think 3 months????
    Here was my issue, after a six year relationship which gave me habitual sex week after week, my relationship unfortunately ended. I optimistically entered the dating world after soo long and met a wonderful guy. We hit it off immediately, and experienced a very strong chemistry. He planned to leave for Europe the next day for six weeks and so I allowed myself a few kisses and I also told myself that I would never see him again. But he contacted me and we spoke two or three times a week while he was away. We developed a great relationship and strong feelings for each other. So he returned six weeks later, we met for a drink and one thing led to another… was it wrong?? It sure wasn’t 3 months, but we are still dating and it’s “some kind of wonderful.”
    I think rules are made to guild, but we have to be grown enough and secure enough to know when the time is right. I mean, ladies, do you wanna bone Steve Harvey??? Take it with a grain of salt…

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