In Flashing Lights’ post about her scary, interracial sex, a commenter wrote:
…upholding sexual gratification as the determining factor to a relationship is kind of shallow, isn’t it?
Shallow, maybe. But completely understandable.
Don’t judge me, yet.
There are forces in a relationship that are more carnal, than emotional or mental. Like physical attraction.
Physical attraction is an important part of a relationship and a legitimate criterion when looking for a potential mate. It’s the initial force that draws two people together. It’s not shallow to be turned off by someone you’re not physically attracted to, it’s just honest.
I look at bad sex the same way. In a relationship, there’s nothing wrong with expecting to be satisfied sexually. And if your partner sucks in bed, and can’t be taught, why subject yourself to bad sex for the sake of a relationship?
I was in this situation once. I was with the most attractive man I’ve ever dated. Smooth brown skin, dimples, chiseled abs, muscular arms, long dick, juicy lips, everything you’d want in a man.
When he walked up to my bed, he looked like a bodybuilder or a Greek God. I was uncontrollably attracted to him. I wanted to lick every inch of him.
As soon as he slid in though, he started jack-rabbit sexing me. This wasn’t just any jack rabbit sex. I couldn’t breathe because I was being jolted back and forth so fast. Gum flew out of my mouth. I just wanted it to stop.
When it was finally over, he felt like he had done something. Ugh.
I tried to make it work. The next time we had sex, I told him to slow down. Try different speeds, new positions. Get me excited. (Why do I have to tell a 30 year-old man this, I don’t know!) But when he went slow, he didn’t even know how to pump! He just laid there.
Since I liked him, enjoyed his company and he had his shit together (he had a job, his own apartment and car), I tried to force myself to stay with him. My reasoning was that leaving someone for bad sex alone is shallow and unfair, right? Wrong.
It was like torture.
Despite my best efforts, the physical attraction (in bed) was gone and I was repelled by the thought of rag-dolling night after night. I tried to stick it out, but cut it off after our first fight.
Would I have stayed if the sex was good? Maybe. And anyone who has had incredible makeup sex knows why. Great sex can sometimes help a relationship last longer. After an amazing orgasm, whatever you were arguing about just doesn’t seem that important any more.
On the other hand, I know people that just don’t like sex that much. They can stay in a great relationship if there’s no chemistry between the sheets, because they’re not that crazy about sex in the first place.
In my opinion, sexual compatibility is as important as everything else, including looks, values, morals, a career, financial independence (read: your own apartment and income), drive and intelligence.
Call me “shallow,” but at least I’ll be shallow and sexually satisfied.
Do you agree? Do you stick it out with people who are bad in bed because they’re good in other areas? Would you leave someone who was bad in bed? Have you ever stayed with someone just because they’re good in bed? Discuss.