I was in pursuit of the perfect black dress for an upcoming party so I hit up Bloomingdale’s for the summer sale. As I’m perusing the aisle, I see a sexy, chocolate, baldhead man and under my breath I said, “Damn he looks good” I walk passed him and he looked at me and I nervously look down. I secretly wish he could be my man. I quickly dismiss it because he has to have a girl. As I head to the register I feel a tap on my arm and look up and there he is, looking like a chocolate adonis. He says, “how are you today?” I reply with a breathy I’m fine, just shopping..and you? He holds his bag up and says doing the same. I don’t know what goes over me but I say is that for your girlfriend? He says no I don’t have a girlfriend. Score! He asks if I’m tired, and I respond no, do I look tired? He says no you look great just a little restless. I told him how I went partying with the homegirls last night. He asks do you party often? I respond no, which is true but I don’t want him thinking I’m the girl who dances on the bar. In the back of my mind I’m thinking this is an interesting course of small talk. I ask him what does he like to do for fun? He says work. I ask where he works, he’s a truck driver for the United States Postal Service. Cha ching! is what goes through my head. Not only does he have a solid job, its government. Needless to say I gave him my number and he calls me same night. We end up having a wonderful 3 hour conversation about work, food, fashion, media, etc. He calls me again the following night and its a repeat of great dialogue. He wants to take me to the movies the following night, I was down for it and I couldn’t wait for our first date.
Its date night and I spend hours making sure my hair is braided in perfection, skin is soft as butta, and smell heavenly. He calls to tell me he got off work a little later then expected but that he’s on his way. 845 comes and he isn’t here like he said he would be. Then 945 and now I’m annoyed. He calls to tell me that he’s sorry he’s late but he’s on his way. Finally at 10pm he calls to say I’m outside. I was annoyed and walked straight into a car with lights parked up front. I look to the side and OMG this is not my date! Whose car am I in?! He’s dark-skinned and has dreads and is an older gentleman, he looks shocked but also smiles because I look absolutely sexy. I apologize profusely and get out the car. I look around and I don’t see his car. I walk across the street with a car that have lights on and its still not him. I’m shocked, embarrassed and annoyed. I call him and inquire where he is, he’s at the wrong apartment. He starts apologizing and he says he will be there in ten seconds. I tell myself relax, but I’m mad because we are missing the movie.
Then out of nowhere this big silver Range Rover pulls up and my chocolate Adonis is in it playing Maxwell. Again I mutter under my breath, damn he looks good. Needless to say, I get over my anger. He apologizes and says sorry for coming late, I could not find my car keys. I tell him its OK but we are going to miss the movie, he said its cool we can hit up the one on the other side of town. He looks so cute and his muscles are bulging out of his Rugby shirt. This truck is so big and sexy. He was a gentleman all through the night, he held my hand in the movie theaters, opened my door to get into the car, the works. We head back to my spot. As we are driving he asks me, “what turns you on” I tell him besides the physical, I love when a man carries his self in the utmost manner…and I love lips. I ask him the same, he says “legs” I make note to myself to wear a short dress and heels on our next date. We get to my condo and I tell him thanks for taking me out. I had so much fun. He immediately ask when can we do this again, I tell him definitely this weekend. He says, “can I ask you a question?” I respond sure. “Can I kiss you” although I wanted to, I tell him “I don’t kiss on the first date.” Lies.
Discussion
1. Have you ever met a guy, girl that meets all of your qualifications but there’s a lack of chemistry and passion? He looks good, has a job, articulate, has a sexy car, chiseled body, dark chocolate, and a gentleman so why aren’t there fireworks?
2. Could it be that I’m so used to being treated bad by men that when a great catch comes by I don’t know how to respond to it?
3. Should we go out on a 2nd date? And where?
I’m ending a situation that was similar to urs. No chemistry although there could have been fireworks. I gave another go and he did something that turned me off, so I decided to listen to my instincts and passed. With men that I immediately gravitate to, I more inclined to let certain things slide, but men that don’t get u going and do something on top of that to turn you off??? Nah…
Sure, give him another shot in another setting. But if its still not there. Just bow out gracefully.
You might want to go play pool. Whether you know how to play or not it doesn’t really matter, ok it does little. But more importantly is if he knows how to play. If neither of you know how to play then you have to find something else to do. Pool is great because you see his level of patience, if he’s competitive, how he handles rude people or if he himself is rude (some pool tables are almost right on top of each other.)
And if he is that late again call it quits I can understand 1/2-1 hour late but come on. What if you were meeting him at the theater?
And maybe you should opt for meeting at the place. I know it’s my issue, or maybe because I drive, but I’d rather meet a guy somewhere or I pick him up. That way I can leave if I have to and he doesn’t know how to get to my house. But like I said that just me.
This post made me smile. I was in a similar situation a few months prior. I met a nice guy on *cough*Match.com. *cough* We lasted longer than expected…I melted every time I thought of his exotic accent or name. He was the epitome of an Adonis man. We went out routinely every weekend. He was everything I’d ever wanted in a man – sexy physique, no kids, nice car, education, solid morals & values, great job & money – however – he was socially inept. Additionally he was extremely reserved. I was afraid to be myself around him and I felt like I was being judged all the time. We dated for over 2 months and I can’t tell you anything about him. *sigh* He was sexy and I still think of him from time to time. I just wish that he could be a poster on my wall. It wouldn’t work out…romantically.
And speaking of dating “bad” men, I was so “broken” from a previous relationship that I didn’t know how to act or date other men. The relationship had ended several months prior and I’ve forgiven the person – but I truly didn’t know how to function…emotionally. One guy told me I act as if I was uninterested in him. He claimed that I would give him the “death” stare all the time and it seemed like I had a lot on my mind…as if I was depressed – and that was the turning point for me. No one wants to be viewed as “depressed.” LOL
Him being hours late would have thrown EVERYTHING off for me. I understand things happen but come on son, some things make you wonder….. I would have to think twice about a second date. He would be my last option:REAL TALK
Whitty: Awesome observation, “you’re blocking the chemistry yourself.” Its obvious that he is into me and wants to go out again however I have so many things going through my mind of other men I’ve dated and talked to from the past that I’m psyching myself out. I will definitely do a date #2, I want to see more of his personality…and his cute face!
Jenn: Thanks for reading! you’re in for a treat.
Why aren’t you into him? there has to be something that was said, done, or even worn that made you think ughhh…he’s lame. Could it just be something you’re currently going through or thats in your mind that won’t allow you to open yourself to this p0ssibly good man? is it past experiences with bad men that you can’t seem to shake or an ex that you’re still in love with?
Hi I just found your site through NWSO.
I am currently in this situation. I met a guy who has great qualities and is a really wonderful guy but on my end there are no fireworks, no chemistry and Im not really attracted to him.
I like him as a person but Im just not that into him.
I don’t know how to tell him this…If anyone has any suggestions Im all ears.
It doesn’t seem like the date failed, and yes I think past experiences are flaring up and causing you to replay them in anticipation that it will happen again. Therefore you’re blocking the chemistry yourself, if that makes sense. I’ve done it as well. I think you guys should go on another date. Although you talk on the phone you didn’t do something that show if you guys mesh well together. It sounds like all that was proven was that he has manners. You guys’ next date should show something that you’re interested in. Do you like art? Go to a museum. Enjoy outdoors? Picnic in the park, or an amusement park. The next few dates should show personality though.