The United States National Center for Health Statistics, a branch of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, released a study – which gave the average number of sexual partners for women in America.
The study, which used complicated and very high tech means to get accurate answers about sexual activity, is claiming that only 9 PERCENT of women have had sex with 15 or more men in their lifetime.
And, the average number of LIFETIME sexual partners for women is FOUR!
We have all heard this question before, the undeniable numbers question. And unfortunately its not easy math in some cases. Some people deem it immature, irrelevant, or too personal, while others believe its quintessential knowledge in order to be safe. When was the last time someone asked you “How many sexual partners have you had?” and to delve further, how do you answer it? I’m a firm believer that the truth will set you free, but if your number surmounts counting fingers and toes then there may be no justice. Lets be honest, in often cases your answer may be nothing to boast about. It can reflect how much fun you had in your old college days, how “friendly” you’ve been, or if the number is too low it can also display your chastity and lack of experience between the sheets.
We are well aware that men and women are held up to different standards. Society encourages men to go out and be promiscuous, they associate it with manhood and life experiences. I’ve seen fathers, brothers, uncles, and cousins push their younger relatives to sleep with all the girls/young women they come into contact with, like sex is the ultimate prize or goal in achieving manhood. I fully disagree. A man who has slept with one woman his whole life is no less of a man than one who has slept with 40. You learn nothing about being self-sufficient, a provider, a good person, or quality characteristics by having sex. It’s unrelated. A prime example are men who have a million children all over the nation, but lack responsibility: they’ve had sex and a lot of it, but it hasn’t made them a better man.
There are mixed expectations for women. We’re supposed to be sexy, but pure; beautiful virgins. If we’re too sexually empowered or free we can easily be taken as a being a whore, slut, loose, etc. I will never forget the episode of SATC where Miranda had to write a list of the number of men she slept with, in the end it was about 40. But keep in mind she was at least 40 years old, and most likely started having sex in her latter teen years. So when you think of it in terms of years worth, she may have only slept with 2 men a year.
Is the amount of sexual partners still a deal breaker? If a female / male told you they had 24 partners and they are 24 years old do you go running? or do you keep an open mind and take in consideration that they lost their virginity at 14 years old (which seems to be the avg age of New Yorkers I’ve met) so in a 10 year span he slept with 2 women a year give or take which isn’t deemed awful. On the contrary, what about the 25 year old who only has had 5 sex partners. Do you side eye him for not having a lot of experience? and assume he would be a bore in bed. I actually know of a young man who is 28 and has only had 4 sexual partners. But keep in mind he may have slept with those 4 women 60 times each making him catch up to the dude with the 24 partners. And most importantly, STDs are running rampant and not everyone uses condoms, Its despicable but true. In my experience, most people sleep around in their younger years versus older. I believe it’s because as we experience life we become more in tune with what we want and are more selective.
I won’t reveal my number , but since we are on the topic just know that I still have a few fingers left..
Discussion
1. How many sexual partners have you had? Don’t be shy 1-10 / 10-20 / 20-30 / 30-45/50+
2. Based on your answer above, if someone had 2x your number how would you react? Would you be leery of their past and sexual health or you wouldn’t judge?
3. What do you think is the average number of sexual partners of your age range? i.e. 18-25 could be 7 partners
4. How many partners do you hope your wife / husband have by the time you get hitched?
the answe to this question is easy .
one more guy than you wanted to have sex with is too many .
if you want to have sex with 1 , then 2 is too many .
if you wanted to have sex with 500 , then 501 is too many .
if you only have sex with someone that you want to have sex with then there can not possibly be too many .
“Society encourages men to go out and be promiscuous, they associate it with manhood and life experiences.”
“We’re supposed to be sexy, but pure; beautiful virgins. If we’re too sexually empowered or free we can easily be taken as a being a whore, slut, loose, etc.”
I enjoyed your post and am not trying to start a debate or anything, but the wording above bothered me. When a women talks about a man sleeping around, they use words like “promiscuous”, but when they talk about a women sleeping around, they use words like “free” and “sexually empowered”. I understand your point about the world view of people considering a promiscuous woman as a slut, but this wording basically promotes the same for men. If equality is what you’re striving for, then make sure your terms are equal. Too many women consider their mission for gender equality is to not only bring women to the same level as men, but to surpass them and become the dominant gender.
Equality works both ways.
And to answer your questions…
1. I’m a male with my number of partners in the higher teens. But the majority have been with women I have dated for a considerable amount of time (a few one night stands may have found their way in there).
2. I make it very clear in the beginning of relationships that disclosing past sexual partners has nothing but detrimental outcomes.
3. 25yo Men: 6-8 partners. 25yo Women: 4-5 partners.
4. Doesn’t matter (see #2).
I’m only 19 and I’ve been with had intercourse with around 30 different men. If I met someone with a higher or lower number than me I wouldn’t care. I lie to men about the number of guys I’ve been with. They can’t handle the truth and go ballistic. It’s best kept a secret especially since mine is extremely high for my age. I just really wanted to explore and sex is so pleasurable and brings me closer to another individual. I’ve never gotten an STD and have practiced safe sex with people I trusted and respected most of which go to my university and are educated….so yeah.
OMG!
thanks for post.
I have been married to same woman for almost 12 years and have not been with anyone else since we started dating. My number is 4 (41 years old) largely because I was my own worst enemy with women when younger. Not to mention hung up on another women for far too long. My wife told me early on that her number was 20 . I know she regrets telling me because it has been intimidating at times. The old joke is to double the number given by women and subtract from a man’s makes the ratio very harsh indeed. I don’t think I would ask for her number inhindsight. At some point, the only number that matters is that we both don’t add to our totals while together.
In reality, I would have had fewer sex partners if I had better luck staying married. I actually thought about this stuff before I ever had sex for even the first time. For a woman I have a very strong sex drive – while not the horniest of women, I’m more that end of the spectrum. Personally, I have had more luck having a good sex life by having a stable relationship with a man than by changing partners. I’m 43 years old. I have discussed the numbers thing with at least one husband. I don’t think I would have been monogamous even in a culture which strongly supported that, but might have suffered from a very bad reputation because of having had 3 partners instead of 1 or none like the rest. Given post sexual revolution USA it has been ‘within my personal threshold’ but I had intended to just still be married now and to either never or only rarely have changed sex partners – I first wed 20 years ago.
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how many days are in a year! Thats the amount of partner’s i’ve had, its just sex people, not love, people get confused alot!
I was googling number of partners and came across this. I wrote notes to all my ex’s this AM to tell them exactly what I remembered of our relationships/encounters. I have had almost fifty partners and I passed the half century mark half a year ago. Been married and realized that I was very lucky not to have caught a major disease as a single man. Because the fact of the matter is, the people who are racking up the big numbers are doing it with other very promiscous people, which amplifies the risk that much more!
The other thing I have realized is that it is kind of true that people who have had more partners tend not to be able to appreciate what sex is really about.
Because in a lot of places in the world, sex has become a sport, a way to burn off steam. Unfortunately for me this was true too. I live in a part of the U.S. that has somewhat cold winters, and never engaged in winter sports much.
So meeting women and having sex was for me just another one of my extreme sports! Now I have settled down, but do miss my single days a bit.
Really need to get back into some sports that I used to do…
well since im a guy im 21 and ive had 6 sex partners.. i have a girlfriend who lost her virginity to me about 3 months ago and I didnt tell her i had 6 sexual acts with 6 different women .. so that would make her my seventh.
When i told her how many she was really surprised and she didnt want to talk to me for awhile. She thought 3 the most was a lot. She was concerned whether I was just a guy who used women for sex, or did i have something more then just for my own self pleasure. That was her biggest concern. She was kinda depressed and sad some times when we were about to have sex. She finally opened up to me and talked to me why she was sad. she told me that when we had sex , it felt like it wasnt special to me but it was to her. she gave me something that she will never get back and i cant return that favour. also when i have sex with her she thinks that some women might have done it better then her. that she feels like she isnt good enough and has l ow self esteem about her body.. im guessing women might like a man who is experienced but not where you seem to turn out to be in the manwhore category. from her point of view 6 is to many and that you should do it with someone you love.. sex is there for 2 ppl to make love. not just to have sex because it can ruin your future relationship
Hi, I just came across this blog and it’s pretty interesting. I’m 22 and I’ve had one sexual partner, who is my current boyfriend. We’ve been together just over a year. My boyfriend on the other hand has had multiple partners (above 5 but less than 10). I wasn’t too leery of his number of partners because people get crazy in college, inhibitions die, and alcohol flows. I was more concerned over whether these girls were one night stands or these were with women he may have been dating or interested in at the time. That’s more important to me. It’s about how much value you put in the act, not necessarily how many people you do it with. Admittedly, a high number would probably just turn me off.
I think the average number of sexual partners for my age range (18-25, I guess) is between 5 and 10. Of course there’s the outliers, like myself.
I went to a Catholic School and we got the abstinence talk every week it seemed. So, I was set on remaining a virgin until marriage but that quickly changed as soon as I went to college. I realized it wasn’t a personal decision I made but kind of a brainwashing the nuns did. When I left that environment, I wasn’t hung up about it anymore. My new philosophy was “test the car before you drive it”. I decided to just live life and only sleep with someone I loved. Anyway, the ENTIRE point of that story (lol) was to say that even though at one point I wanted to remain a virgin until I got married, I never expected or even wanted my future husband to do the same. I mean, someone had to have some experience lol.
that’s my 2 cents