Lately, you can’t enter a hair salon, restaurant or lounge without hearing women complain about the lack of eligible men in the city. And they have a point: take away the men in relationships, the gay men, the incarcerated men, the unemployed/uneducated men and the “dogs,” and there aren’t a lot of men to choose from.
But some, NOT all, of these women contribute to their inability to find a man. Some of these women push men away as soon as they meet them.
While some women don’t pull the “right” men, there are others who don’t attract men at all. And most of them have no idea why.
Despite what relationship experts, gurus and analysts would have you believe, there’s really no complex secret to attracting men. The way to attract men? Umm…stop repelling them. Simple physics.
Be kind, friendly and approachable. That’s all.
Nowhere was this more apparent than at a house party this weekend. The house party was full of men. Straight men. Attractive men. Blue-collar guys like maintenance men and bus drivers. White-collar guys who worked on Wall Street, for Citigroup or at prestigious law firms. Whatever type of man you’re interested in, you could find him at this party.
There were some women, like me, who left the party having been approached by several eligible guys. There were others who left without any love.
I sat back and watched my friends interact to see the difference in their behavior. (Yes, this was my personal social experiment). I found that the very friends who complain about being lonely repel the men that may be interested in them.
It’s not that they were unattractive. Quite the opposite. These ‘lonely’ girls were gorgeous and stacked like The House of Pancakes. It wasn’t their bodies that repelled men; it was their body language.
They looked distant. Annoyed. Holier than thou. Unpleasant. Moody. Uninterested. Rude.
They were tied to their friends at the hip all night, unwilling to branch off and socialize. Some even complained that there were too many men at the party. They looked like they’d reject the first man that approached them. And were surprised when no man did.
I’ve spoken to my male friends enough to know that they make a point to avoid women that seem this way. Their explanation is simple: No one wants to be rejected. And if you’re giving off a vibe like you may reject a man, they’re not setting themselves up for failure by approaching you.
On the flip side, a couple of my girls and I attracted men like moths to a flame. By the end of the night, we had several prospects—with great jobs and good looks—who were interested in getting to know us better.
Not because we’re easy: we’re not desperately crying for attention by shaking our boobs, throwing ourselves at guys, dancing out-of-control or talking loudly.
Not because we’re attractive: sure, we’re hot in our own right, but we’re not Beyonce’ or Halle Berry. Don’t get me wrong—looks are important—but it’s not about how big your butt is. My friend with the baddest shape is usually left by her lonesome. My thin girlfriend with hardly any curves can’t keep guys away.
It’s more about how you carry yourself. The vibe you put out in the universe. The energy.
Are you desperate? Negative? Moody? Snotty? Men can read that. And if you come off that way, prepare to be snotty all by yourself.
If you’re negative and always complaining or sticking your nose in the air, you’ll deter men from approaching you. A positive attitude and pleasant demeanor go a long way in attracting men into your life.
My friends and I that were approached are just friendly and pleasant girls that smile, laugh, wink. And it gets us the dates and attention that everyone is seeking.
Also, note: friendly doesn’t mean you’re chasing men, or being a whore. As I said before, the girls competing for attention by throwing themselves at men are repelling men too, but for another reason. That reason being, as my boy put, “I don’t want it if it’s that easy,” (c) Tupac.
My advice is to simply give them a sign that you’re interested. And you’ll be surprised to find, more often than not, they’re interested back.
Discuss: Men, what does it take for you to approach a woman in a social setting? What pushes you away from a woman you’d otherwise be interested in? Women, have you found the ‘friendly’ approach works for you?
Agreed. You’ve pretty much said it all. But depending on where you are it may be a culture thing.
It’s second nature to generally speak when I’m ‘home’ in NC. When I come back to NY, I have to remember to turn down the charm because folks look at me like I’m crazy if I mouth ‘hi’ with a smile.- most do at least. Some return the favor. But if you aren’t brought up being ‘friendly’ then it may take a few trial runs. lol.
That said, the city’s culture may just carry over into the social settings for men and women. I find A LOT more women having conversations down south with men than in NY. Why? Because southern people just happen to be more plesant. That’s not to say city slickers aren’t nice, we sometimes just have to remember meeting a man doesn’t need to have the same vibe as riding the 2 train and putting on the ‘don’t talk to me face’. There is a reason no one talks to you on the train.
When wanting to be approached think: I’m a southern belle.
I was at happy hour with a friend last week, and I noticed the same thing. My friend, who claims she doesn’t know how to flirt, spent the entire time avoiding eye contact with every man in the room. I told her, its simple, when a man is looking at you, SMILE. You’ll be amazed at what a smile can do. In fact, I showed her by meeting several men, who approached me simply because I was smiling and saying hello.
Some women just make it way too hard…
Girls have to learn to break away from the crew. Its been enforced with us to hang out in hoardes since birth. Why do I have to go to the bathroom with 5 other girls? I don’t know who made those rules but I’m all about breaking them. I recently attended a party with alot of females that I knew and instead of sticking to them throughout the night I kept on walking around mingling with guys all the while smiling being friendly. Of course it helped being a lil tipsy but thats just to get the edge off. I was able to pull men and was called gorgeous by several guys not because of my looks but my appeal was there. My approach was soft and warm and carefree. I refuse to be the girl stuck on the couch. I work hard 7 days a week and if I hear the right song I will dance without a care in the world. And ironically the same girls who I saw sulking in the corners were the ones that are consistently single. Now it makes sense, although shes attractive her approach and vibe was off and now it makes sense why I’ve never seen her with a man years later. Either way, great post!
I definitely agree this article, I’d say 100%…I always tell my female friends about what I call “lady game” which is where women don’t have to be the aggressor or actively approach men, but they just have to have a very approachable vibe to make it easier on us. Some ladies will even do things such as asking us “are you in line for cake?” when there’s obviously a cake on the table, just to make conversation and to take some pressure off the situation and break ice. When I see 3-4 women sitting together, there’s no way in hell I’m going up to all of them just to approach one of them…so even going to the bar by yourself can help.
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“…They looked distant. Annoyed. Holier than thou. Unpleasant. Moody. Uninterested. Rude.
They were tied to their friends at the hip all night, unwilling to branch off and socialize…”
Now imagine being the only white guy at the club, basement party, block party, house party, BBQ… and having to approach these same women??!!
I’ve always felt approaching women in a group was pointless – which is why I would literally pounce on them when they wandered off.
Worked wonders for me! *Kanye shrug*
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